Stop Begging for Money

I don’t know who you are, what your real credentials are and/or your success rate . Here’s what I do know. We have a University 12 miles from here. They offer courses in creative writing. Why would I give you money when the real thing is 15 minutes from me. Stop. You’re embarrassing yourself. And your irritating me. I have no interest in taking your course. Keep it up and I will lose my charming personality.


A Friend

I have a friend who’s 97 years old. She is amazingly healthy. Sometimes she takes an aspirin. 90% of the time she’s bright. She was a teacher when she was younger and will correct your grammar in a heartbeat. I plan to write a short story about her soon but this is about something else.

She constantly talks about someone no one knows but they are there with her almost all the time. I know at 97 there’s probably some dementia but I’m not so sure about this.

Last week I visited with her for about 4 hours. It’s a long drive so when I go I stay awhile. Our personalities are very much alike. We call it like we see it.

I mentioned before that I’ve experienced the paranormal since I was 12. The last time I was at her house every time I’d wash my hands when I went back to the bathroom the hand towel was folded differently than I’d left it. Trust me. I’m kind of a slob plus when I’m with her I wash my hands a lot to make sure I don’t expose her to germs. I know how I leave the hand towel and it’s not that way when I go back. It doesn’t scare me at all. Do any of you believe this person she talks about and to is a more particular housekeeper than I am?

Not Enough Time

I have a new job. I needed it, I like it and I’m grateful but it leaves me with little time. I think my time crunch will get better as I become acclimated to my new schedule. That’s not the topic I want to address anyway. I realize that to many (most) of you I’ll sound like a freak but I’m definitely on the road less traveled. Thank you, Mr. Frost.

I dislike digital technology, especially cell phones. Some of you may not know this but the APA has listed overuse of cell phones as an addiction. I have it all. Laptops, copiers, Smart TVs, in fact all my digital devices use WiFi.

I tell people to please not message me unless we’re in the middle of a business deal like buying a car or you’ve told me to expect a message because I go days without checking them and here are a few reasons why: Tell me about yourself. That has got to be this generations “what’s your sign.” I tell them to buy the book. Jesus chain letters. Somehow I just don’t think Jesus is on Facebook. I even hate those cutsie little hearts and puppies. No matter how many times I tell people not to message me, it’s like talking to a wall. These are called cell phones for a reason. The phone part works. If I don’t answer, leave a message. I’ll see that.

Recently I subbed for 8th grade Social Studies class. I wrote the day’s assignment on the board in cursive. More than half the class couldn’t read it. One little girl asked if it was a foreign language. They can’t put a simple sentence together correctly. Don’t tell me you don’t know why. By the time we’re in nursing homes we won’t need Dr. Koverken.

Knowing how much I love to read, a friend suggested I get a Kindle. I told her that was the dumbest thing anyone could say to a woman who can’t get anyone to help her move because of her books. She had accidentally wondered on to sacred ground. I love the way books feel and smell, I just love holding them. They have been my friends since I can remember.

One last thing. About a year ago 4 of us went to hear a good band that was playing not far from here. I didn’t even take my phone. When we walked in people were seated at tables and yes, you got it. They all had their phones out texting away. When the band started playing, I took that opportunity for some good old 70s Primal Scream Therapy.

One day I’m going to completely lose it and start throwing cell phones at the walls. I’ll get out before they figure out how to use the phone app to call the police. Watch for me on the evening news.

Some of my Quirks

Nova, Namaste 365 online made a list of her quirks. Imitation is a form of flattery so I decided to do some of my quirks.

  1. I also eat the same thing every day for a couple of months. Then maybe I’ll change. Eating is too much trouble.
  2. I have my days and nights mixed up.
  3. I love Trees
  4. Puppy breath is the best smell on earth
  5. I talk to myself at home and in public
  6. I love humanity but have a hard time trusting individuals
  7. I like being alone
  8. I’m not afraid of much
  9. I have an opinion on everything
  10. I’ve had paranormal experiences since I was 12
  11. This doesn’t happen often (maybe 3 times) I’ve met people I was sure were evil.
  12. I’m a world class slob.
  13. That was fun.


Someone finally told me what moderate means. Reply to, right?

I don’t have much more I can say about Donald Trump for instance. Well, I could but I try to appreciate the audience. Some people would be offended by my language. Normally I believe that people who use off-color language just prove their ignorance. In Trump’s case, it need not be so. I refrain because of you not him. God help us live through the next 2 years. I worry how long it will take us to recover.


I really messed up my senior year in college. I took four classes. They don’t reccomend more than three. UAB is on a quarter system. The courses are 9 weeks long. You have to keep up. Everything moves quickly. It had never happened to me before that all my finals were scheduled on the same day but I was working on a major disaster so this time, it made sense.

My impending disaster started the night before. We went to happy hour. We were just going to have one drink. You know what they say about the best laid plan of mice and men and this mouse was drunk.

I was standing outside the building, still tipsy, waiting to go in. I started crying and I’m not a crier but watching 4 years go down the drain because I was playing Scarlett at the B.B.Q was too much of a screw up even for me.

A really attractive Black lady came over and put her hand on my arm. “What’s wrong honey?” I told her the truth. Why add lying to my list of sins? She took both my hands and said, “Look at me. She looked blurry through my tears. Now her voice was very serious. She moved in closely. “I want you to repeat what I’m about to say. ” I nodded in the affirmative. Before you even put your name on the test I want you to say the following prayer. “I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me.” I was familiar with the scripture. I wouldn’t forget. She hugged me and just walked away.

It was time for me to face the first test. I did exactly what she’d told me to do. When I turned in that last test, I couldn’t wait to be get home and go to bed.

A week later the grades were posted. I’d made four (4) As. Was I having some kind of vision or maybe a stroke? It’s the only time I made The President’s List. I’d made the Dean’s list several times but this was special. It was a miracle. I’m not accusing Angel’s of cheating but I didn’t take those tests. I couldn’t even remember a single question on any of the tests. Usually I could remember 90%.

When you spend 4 years at the same University you don’t know everyone but you get used to seeing the same people and faces. I wanted to find that lady. She looked a lot like Clair Huxtable on The Cosby Show. Then it occurred to me that I’d never seen her before. I would remember her. I looked everywhere and asked a lot of people. She wasn’t there and no one remembered her.

It doesn’t matter to me what other people think. I believe I was the only person who saw her. I believe, no. I’m sure, I’d had an encounter with an angel. I thanked God for her and asked forgiveness for my reason for needing her.

That’s not the only time an angel has stood between me and diaster. I am Blessed.

Best First Sentence

I read this book 25 years ago and I’ll never forget it. Maybe it wasn’t the best book I’ve ever read but it was the most unforgettable. I Googled it last night. It’s said to have one of the best opening sentences in all novels. John Irving said he knew he’d never write a better one. This is the way to sell a book. Following is the sentence I memorized.

“I am doomed to remember a boy with a wrecked voice-not because of his voice, or because he was the smallest person I ever knew, or even because he was the instrument of my Mother’s death, but because he is the reason I believe in God.

I can’t add pictures. Phone too low on memory.


I have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor. In the past, too many people have taken what I say literally. For instance, my neighbor says that she can tell when I’m mad. I climb up on the roof and set my hair on fire. That statement upset someone so much it took forever to convince her that was a joke.

If I say something bizarre, please ask me before you worry. If I’m really mad, I can and probably will verbally anhilalate the subject of my anger. It’s the only time I’ll use those pretentious, 4 syllable words.

Remember when Michael Douglas said, “Greed is good?” It’s greed that will bring this Country to her knees. Everytime I turn around someone is going to make me rich and famous. I rode all the way in on the turnip truck. (I’m teaching you Southern coloclialism.) Get in line. I’m writing a check to the Crystal Cathedral first.

If you have any questions, please ask.